Here are some of the underlying dynamics and nuances that can keep passivity going: The problem with childhood coping is that what works good-enough as a kid (i.e., keeps you alive) doesn’t work so well as an adult in a bigger world. John’s wife needs to say on Tuesday that maybe she’s thinking of her mother coming over for dinner on the weekend. In the past, when I have tried to talk to him about it, he ends placing the blame on me, which in turn causes my feelings to be hurt.
While still a bit upsetting (remember John mentally mapped out weekend on Monday), it gives him time to think it over and adjust, to figure out what he may want rather than collapsing. Make it an invitation and non-pressured rather than a command. Taibbi, I really don't know where to start..husband has always been passive. Unfortunately, it has turned into checked out of our marriage/family. When I was trying to finish my bachelor's degree, I put him in charge of the finances to take some if the weight off. Again, I can go on and on with many frustrating things due to his Iack of initiative.
The problem with passive sentences is that they tend to bore the reader and the reader loses interest.
The problem with passive men is that they tend to bore women and women lose interest.
He seems to be interested, yet he’s not doing anything.
“Well, I can’t wait forever.” I took a gulp of beer, cleared my throat, and sat up.
One way to do this is to ask your partner to be in charge of something – an upcoming vacation, a dinner for friends. This is an experiment in and experience in proactivity, not about ideal vacations or dinner parties. It is not about the content, it is about helping your partner feel safe in expressing these types of feelings. If you have been carrying the weight of decisions, if you have been feeling frustrated, get it on the table. He doesn't want to take care of things at home but refuses to move to smaller place. I have talked and talked with him but it just seems I am singing the same to on over and over. They are helpful, particularly the part that warns the partner doing all the heavy lifting not to be a martyr. On the other hand, not being a martyr means that if the passivity remains notwithstanding attempts to eliminate it that the partnership has to end.
Passivity is obviously at the “flight” end of the “fight or flight” stress-coping spectrum, and when stress goes up generally so too does the passivity.
They can be charming, interesting people, but the frustration comes when you feel like you are constantly doing the heavy lifting when it comes to decision-making.
They need a little more time to warm up.” She shook her head. “A lot.” “Would you be willing to put in a little more effort to see if it can go somewhere? “I feel like I have been and it’s going nowhere.” “Okay, here’s what you can do.” My voice and volume increased.
“I’ve done them all.” “Oh.” “Every single goddamn one.” “Oh.” She sighed again.